Relationship addiction: signs, causes, and treatment
Relationship addiction is defined by an unhealthy preoccupation with maintaining romantic relationships at the cost of one’s own happiness and independence. Individuals with this addiction experience significant distress and dysfunction if they are not in a relationship, and they often engage in unhealthy patterns of behavior to maintain or enter into relationships.
The signs of relationship addiction include fear of being alone, frequent breakups and makeups, constant need for validation, justifying abuse, prioritizing the relationship over self-care, difficulty exercising control, and having no life outside the relationship.
The causes of relationship addiction are neurobiological factors, low self-esteem, developmental experiences, co-occurring mental health disorders, and social and cultural influences.
Treatment options for relationship addiction include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), group therapy, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and pharmacological interventions.
What is relationship addiction?
Relationship addiction is when someone becomes overly dependent on romantic relationships in an unhealthy and compulsive way. This addiction is characterized by an intense and often irrational need to be in a relationship, leading to a pattern of seeking out and maintaining relationships regardless of the quality or the negative impact on the individual’s well-being.
A 2016 review by Fisher et al., titled, “Intense, Passionate, Romantic Love: A Natural Addiction? How the Fields That Investigate Romance and Substance Abuse Can Inform Each Other” proposed that passionate romantic love can potentially be viewed as a natural addiction. It has several traits in common with behavioral and drug addictions, including withdrawal, relapse, cravings, euphoria, and dependence.
Can you be addicted to a person?
Yes, you can be addicted to a person. This kind of addiction often involves an intense emotional dependence on someone, where the individual becomes obsessed with the other person to the point that their thoughts, feelings, and actions revolve entirely around them.
In fact, a 2017 study published in Philosophy, Psychiatry, & Psychology titled, “Addicted to love: What is love addiction and when should it be treated?” proposed that romantic love has addictive properties, defined by an intense attraction, craving, and compulsive behaviors akin to those observed in substance addiction.
Furthermore, there are overlapping neurochemical pathways in the brain that are associated with both romantic love and addiction. These pathways involve the neurotransmitters dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and vasopressin, which play a role in the brain’s reward system, pleasure, and attachment.
What are other names for relationship addiction?
Other names for relationship addiction include love addiction, codependency, and emotional dependency. Love addiction describes the compulsive need to be in a relationship or in love, where the person frequently idealizes and makes their partner the center of their universe.
In the context of relationships in which one partner facilitates or promotes inappropriate conduct of the other, the term codependency is frequently employed. The extreme need for continuous emotional support and validation from a spouse is highlighted by emotional dependency, which results in an unbalanced relationship where one partner is largely dependent on the other to meet their emotional demands.
All these terms capture different aspects of the same underlying issue—an unhealthy attachment to romantic relationships that leads to significant emotional and psychological challenges.
What are the signs of relationship addiction?
Signs of relationship addiction are the emotional patterns and behaviors that suggest an individual is excessively reliant on romantic relationships. The signs of relationship addiction are listed below.
- Fear of being alone: People with relationship addiction often experience an intense fear of being alone, which drives them to stay in or seek out relationships, even when they are unhealthy or unfulfilling. A 2013 study by Spielmann et al., titled, “Settling for less out of fear of being single” revealed that individuals who have a fear of being single are more likely to be less selective when it comes to showing romantic interest. The paper additionally indicated that fear of being single is a significant indicator of settling for less in relationships.
- Frequent breakups and makeups: The afflicted person often finds themselves in a cycle of breaking up and then quickly getting back together with their partner. This pattern often stems from a fear of being alone or an inability to let go, even when the relationship is clearly dysfunctional. This cycle becomes addictive in itself, as the person becomes hooked on the emotional highs and lows.
- Constant need for validation: A codependent person has a constant need for validation and reassurance from their partner, often seeking approval and affirmation to feel secure in the relationship. This leads to behaviors such as excessive texting or calling, constantly seeking compliments, or feeling anxious if the partner doesn’t express love or affection regularly.
- Justifying abuse: Individuals with relationship addiction are likely to justify or excuse abusive behavior from their partner, downplaying the harm it causes. This includes rationalizing physical, emotional, or verbal abuse as being normal or deserved, often out of fear of losing the relationship.
- Prioritizing the relationship over self-care: This entails sacrificing hobbies, friendships, career goals, or even basic self-care routines to please their partner or maintain the relationship. This imbalance causes burnout, resentment, and a loss of personal identity. It often results in a one-sided relationship where the individual’s happiness depends entirely on the partner’s actions.
- Difficulty exercising self-control: This symptom manifests in behaviors like excessive texting, calling, or checking up on their partner, even when they know it’s inappropriate or damaging. In addition, someone with relationship addiction struggles to give their partner space or respect boundaries, leading to clinginess or possessiveness. A 2021 paper by Juan Pablo Bermúdez titled, “The skill of self-control” argued that self-control is a complex skill that necessitates a gradual learning process and entails intentional actions, rather than merely a capacity or resource.
- Having no life outside the relationship: People with the condition often have little to no life outside of their romantic relationship, neglecting friendships, hobbies, and personal interests. Their world becomes centered around their partner, and they feel lost or empty without constant interaction. This dependency makes it difficult to maintain a balanced and fulfilling life, as their identity becomes intertwined with the relationship.
What are the causes of relationship addiction?
Causes of relationship addiction are the fundamental elements and factors that lead someone to become unhealthily dependent on intimate relationships. The causes of relationship addiction are listed below.
- Neurobiological factors: The reward systems of the brain, in particular the mesolimbic dopamine pathway, are involved in romantic love and attachment. Substance addiction is likewise linked to this system, indicating a common neurological origin, as per a 2010 article by Steve Sussman titled, “Love Addiction: Definition, Etiology, Treatment.”
- Low self-esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem often seek validation and a sense of worth through romantic relationships. They rely on their partner’s approval to feel good about themselves, which leads to an unhealthy dependency. This need for constant reassurance makes it difficult for them to feel secure or confident when alone.
- Developmental experiences: Love addiction is mostly the result of developmental events, especially those pertaining to attachment types acquired in childhood, according to a paper titled, “Love Addiction: Definition, Etiology, Treatment” published in the March 2010 issue of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment & Prevention. The study emphasized the link between a higher risk of love addiction and insecure attachment patterns, such as anxious-ambivalent attachment. Anxious-ambivalent attachment styles are characterized by extreme dependency, fear of abandonment, and a need for ongoing validation in relationships.
- Co-occurring mental health disorders: Relationship addiction is potentially linked to co-occurring mental health disorders, such as anxiety or depression. Individuals struggling with these conditions use relationships as a coping mechanism to avoid dealing with their emotional distress. The relationship provides temporary relief from their symptoms, but this dependency exacerbates their mental health issues over time.
- Social and cultural influences: The development of love addiction is influenced by social and cultural factors, such as media portrayals of romantic love, according to a 2010 paper by Steve Sussman titled, “Love Addiction: Definition, Etiology, Treatment.” Popular media frequently romanticizes intense, obsessive love, portraying it as ideal or desirable. This cultural narrative has the potential to perpetuate harmful beliefs and behaviors regarding love.
How does dopamine affect relationship addiction?
Dopamine affects relationship addiction by modulating the brain’s reward system. When an individual encounters romantic love or the thrill of a fresh relationship, their brain releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to pleasure, reward, and motivation.
The extreme satisfaction and euphoria brought on by this dopamine release fuel the urge to spend time with the partner and keep the relationship going. For individuals prone to relationship addiction, this dopamine-driven reward response becomes addictive, as they continuously seek the emotional highs that come from being in love or receiving attention from their partner.
How does low self-esteem affect relationship addiction?
Low self-esteem significantly affects relationship addiction by creating a reliance on romantic relationships for validation and a sense of self-worth. Individuals with low self-esteem often feel inadequate or unworthy, leading them to seek constant reassurance and approval from their partner to feel valued.
They prioritize maintaining a relationship over their own needs or happiness, which makes them more susceptible to relationship addiction due to their reliance on external validation. They cling to relationships even when they are harmful or damaging because they fear rejection or being alone.
A 2016 study by Panaghi et al., titled, “Living with Addicted Men and Codependency: The Moderating Effect of Personality Traits” indicated that the presence of an addicted spouse can exacerbate feelings of low self-esteem experienced by wives. This low self-esteem is characterized by a sense of inadequacy, humiliation, and self-blame, which contribute to the development and reinforcement of codependent behaviors.
How does depression affect relationship addiction?
Depression affects relationship addiction by exacerbating emotions of emptiness, loneliness, and low self-worth that codependent people attempt to numb through romantic relationships. When someone is struggling with depression, they view a relationship as a source of comfort, distraction, or validation, hoping that the connection with a partner is going to fill the emotional void they feel.
This leads to an unhealthy dependency, where the person becomes overly reliant on their partner to cope with their depressive symptoms. They make it difficult for them to function independently because they put unreasonably high expectations on the relationship to bring them happiness and support constantly.
Depression and codependency were discovered to exhibit a substantial positive correlation, as per a study by Martsolf et al., titled, “Codependency and Related Health Variables” published in the Archives of Psychiatric Nursing. This confirms prior research indicating that individuals with higher codependency scores exhibit higher levels of depression.
Who is at risk of relationship addiction?
Types of individuals who are at risk of relationship addiction are listed below.
- People experiencing cognitive failures: Cognitive failures, including memory lapses and attentional difficulties, were more prevalent among individuals with love addiction, as per a 2024 paper by Giacobbe et al., titled, “Psychological and cognitive complaints in individuals with love addiction.” These cognitive issues impede an individual’s capacity to effectively regulate their emotions and behavior, thereby contributing to the persistence of love addiction.
- Those with a history of trauma or abandonment: Individuals who have experienced trauma, neglect, or abandonment in the past are more susceptible to relationship addiction. These experiences create deep-seated fears of being alone or rejected, driving them to cling to relationships as a way to avoid reliving those painful feelings.
- Individuals struggling to cope with stress: Resilience—which is the capacity to adjust to and bounce back from stressful situations—acts as a strong defense against love addiction, according to a 2024 study from the Journal of Affective Disorders Reports titled, “Psychological and cognitive complaints in individuals with love addiction.” People who lack resilience are less able to withstand the emotional upheaval that comes with romantic relationships, which increases their risk of developing a love addiction.
- People without strong support systems: Individuals who lack strong support systems, such as close friends or family, are at increased risk of being codependent. Without a network of supportive relationships, they turn to romantic partners to fulfill all their emotional and social needs. This creates an imbalanced dynamic where the partner becomes their primary or sole source of support, leading to an unhealthy dependency.
- Those with maladaptive coping mechanisms: Individuals with love addiction are inclined to employ coping strategies on a more frequent basis. However, these strategies are often ineffective or maladaptive, such as the use of romantic relationships as a means of numbing or escaping negative emotions, according to a research titled, “Psychological and cognitive complaints in individuals with love addiction” published in the April 2024 issue of the Journal of Affective Disorders Reports. This dependence on the partner as a coping mechanism results in a cycle in which the individual becomes more and more reliant on the relationship, even when it is detrimental to their well-being.
Can a relationship addiction be diagnosed?
No, relationship addiction cannot be diagnosed, because it is not officially recognized as a diagnosable mental health disorder in clinical manuals like the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition).
While the behaviors and emotional patterns associated with relationship addiction are real and tend to be very distressing, they are not classified under a specific diagnostic category. The absence of established instruments and standardized diagnostic criteria for evaluating love addiction is one of the main issues identified in diagnosing the condition, according to a 2023 study by Maglia et al., titled, “Love Addiction – Current Diagnostic and Therapeutic Paradigms in Clinical Psychology.”
Although a number of scales, including the Love Addiction Inventory (LAI), have been developed, there is currently no framework that is widely accepted for diagnosing this illness.
What are the relationship addiction treatment options?
Relationship addiction treatment options are therapeutic modalities and interventions that help people break free from their unhealthy reliance on romantic partnerships. The most common relationship addiction treatment options are listed below.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): Through CBT, individuals learn to challenge irrational beliefs, such as the need for constant validation, and develop healthier ways of thinking and behaving in relationships. Furthermore, this treatment program emphasizes the need to establish self-esteem and foster independence in order to escape the vicious cycle of relationship addiction.
- Group therapy: In a safe and encouraging setting, those with relationship addiction are able to connect with others who have gone through similar things through group therapy. Here, individuals talk about their struggles, get advice, and pick up coping mechanisms from one another. Group psychotherapy has been recognized as a successful therapeutic method for treating love addiction, according to a 2023 paper from Health Psychology Research titled, “Love Addiction – Current Diagnostic and Therapeutic Paradigms in Clinical Psychology.” This approach is highly effective because it engages the brain’s reward and attachment circuits, enabling individuals to identify and confront their maladaptive behaviors.
- Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT): DBT helps people control intense emotions, lessen impulsive conduct, and enhance interpersonal effectiveness by fusing cognitive behavioral therapy with mindfulness practices. Through DBT, people learn how to create boundaries in relationships, communicate in a healthy way, and tolerate distress. Their inclination to grow emotionally reliant on a partner is lessened by using this strategy, which likewise assists them in creating more stable, harmonious partnerships.
- Pharmacological interventions: Love addiction (LA) does not currently have a recognized pharmacological treatment, although given the condition’s similarity to other psychological disorders, a few drug classes are potentially relevant. For instance, in certain situations, antidepressants and mood stabilizers may be helpful in treating symptoms of obsession and impulsivity, as per a 2018 article from The European Journal of Psychiatry titled, “Treatment of love addiction: Current status and perspectives.”
Is relationship addiction treated in rehab?
Yes, relationship addiction is treated in rehab. Specialized programs or therapies that concentrate on behavioral addictions, including relationship addiction, are provided by a variety of rehab centers.
To address the underlying problems causing the addiction, treatment in these settings frequently combines group psychotherapy with cognitive behavioral techniques. Individuals receive the necessary support to overcome destructive habits and cultivate more positive relationship dynamics within the therapeutic setting of a rehab facility.
Are there support groups for relationship addiction?
Yes, there are support groups for relationship addiction, though they are not always labeled specifically as “relationship addiction” groups. These support groups often fall under broader categories such as codependency or love addiction, where individuals struggling with unhealthy relationship patterns find help and support.
Two groups that provide a secure environment for individuals to discuss their challenges, learn from the experiences of others, and work on altering their relationship behaviors are Co-dependents Anonymous (CoDA) and Sex, Love, and Addicts Anonymous (SLAA). Groups of this nature adhere to a 12-step framework that prioritizes the process of healing, self-improvement, and personal development.
How to stop relationship addiction?
To stop relationship addiction, the first step is to recognize and accept that there is a problem; this awareness is crucial for initiating change. At first, it is advisable to seek professional assistance, such as therapy, to investigate the underlying causes of your addiction, including low self-esteem, past trauma, or a fear of loneliness.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavior Therapy (DBT) are particularly effective in helping you identify and change unhealthy thought patterns and behaviors. In addition to therapy, it’s important to build a strong support system outside of your romantic relationships.
Take part in pursuits that encourage independence and self-improvement, like hobbies, fostering relationships, and concentrating on your own goals. This promotes a more balanced life in which your self-worth and sense of identity are not exclusively determined by a romantic partnership.
Setting appropriate boundaries and engaging in mindfulness practices are additionally advantageous. Remaining mindful and cognizant of your feelings keeps you from acting rashly in relationships. Healthy relationship dynamics are promoted when boundaries are set and upheld, which guarantees that you respect your own needs and limitations.
In the end, look into joining a support group where you’ll meet people who understand what you’re going through and who are willing to assist you on your journey to change.
